Break it down for me, fellas

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TIRED. WANT TO GO HOME.

I know this makes me a bad person, but I can't stop laughing at Iraqi trainees doing jumping jacks. I seriously can't. The one guy who looks like he's doing ballet...I just...I have to go pee now.

Also
Last night, AJ was looking for the remote. He asked me if I knew where it was, and I replied, "Did you check up your butt?" Because that's usually what I say, since I am 12 years old. AJ sighed and said, "Mom, there's nothing up my butt...well, except for balloons filled with cocaine."

Chip, meet block
A couple of days ago, Hannah's school's...what? Headmistress? Whatever she is, Genny mentioned to me that Hannah's room teacher, Lori, recommended a couple weeks back that Hannah be moved up to the four-to-five class a little early (her birthday's at the end of January) because she's academically and socially ready to move up. I admit to a moment of prideful swelling, but we (Genny and I) thought that between the crazy holiday schedule coming up and the fact that it's only 2 1/2 months, it was best to just move Hannah up after her birthday like normal. I related all this to Peter, who was aghast that I would be willing to allow Hannah to stagnate with the rest of the three-year-olds during a crucial period of her intellectual development. I am only exaggerating slightly. Ultimately we decided to take a half-assed approach, and request that Hannah spend some instructional time each day in the older class, but have a "home base" with the threes. I still need to make this request, but hopefully it goes over well.

On the heels of this triumph, last night, Hannah was playing in the basement while AJ was on the computer. On the floor were pieces of AJ's XBOX, which has a faulty DVD drive that Peter will replace once the new one arrives. Naturally, it would be terribly inconvenient to not have the tiny, tiny screws underfoot when, three days after pulling the XBOX apart, the new DVD drive arrives, so Peter opted to leave everything out on the floor, where it got dumped several times over. (I refuse to move it because I secretly hope a piece gets lost and Peter will learn his lesson.) Back to last night. I went downstairs to watch the second half of a show. Hannah ran up to me and announced proudly: "I have a screw in my nose!" GREAT. I looked up her nose, and sure enough, in her left nostril glistened a tiny silvery screw. I tried to seal off her right nostril so she could shoot it out like a snot rocket, but it didn't budge. I carried her upstairs, where I figured I'd pull it out with tweezers. Peter, who was working at the upstairs computer, decided to try the nostril cannon approach once more. This time, the screw popped out and plinked onto the floor. Hannah, sensing her moment, raised her hands and said, "TA-DAAAAA!"

Every inch of my love
Lez Zeppelin. Dec. 5 at the Double Door. Anyone interested?

Why don't they just call the air and vacuum machine at the gas station the suck and blow?

Beethoven Comes Alive
Any of you yahoos big Beethoven fans and free on the evening of November 18? 'Cause I have some free tickets for you if you are.

The girl of many colors
A couple of nights ago, Hannah went upstairs with Peter to tell him about her day while he changed out of his office clothes -- it's a little ritual they have. Instead of coming back downstairs after he was changed, though, this time Hannah stayed upstairs and spent some quality time with Mommy's makeup. The result:

She's holding her hair out of her face because her bangs covered up the nice brush work she did with eyeshadow...really emphasizes her eyebrows. And her cheeks are extra-pink because they're completely coated in cream blush, for that rugged outdoorsy look.

Just to remind you that she actually is pretty cute, here she is dressed as Ariel for Halloween. It's also a nice way to point out to her, when she goes through the inevitable hair-dyeing phase, that bright neon red is a hair color best left to pinker people:

And, here she is playing Go Fish dressed as Ariel. You get a nice close up of her hand, which she Magic Markered green for a touch of fishy verisimilitude:

DAMN IT
There is no 'k' in my first name. There is no 'k' in my first name. THERE IS NO FUCKING 'K' IN MY FIRST FUCKING NAME IT'S SPELLED CORRECTLY RIGHT THERE IN THE EMAIL AND SIGNATURE BLOCK AND RETURN ADDRESS AND IF YOU TYPE IT ERICKA ONE MORE TIME I WILL STAPLE YOUR SCROTUM TO THE BARKCLOTH WALL OF YOUR OFFICE.

Poll #1481790 The McConaghey special
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 6

Most kickass modern song with bongos:

View Answers

Fa Fa -- Guster
1 (16.7%)

Better Living Through Chemistry -- Queens of the Stone Age
3 (50.0%)

Young Folks -- Peter, Bjorn and John
1 (16.7%)

Something else
1 (16.7%)

Something else?

View Answers

So, who's willing to go see The Fantastic Mr. Fox with me? Because I gotta tell you, I will be stupidly giddy the whole time. TALKING ANIMALS YAY!

Also, it's likely our last good weather weekend this weekend. That means the last of the yardwork, including harvesting hardy herbs, smothering weeds, and doing a tiny bit of fall planting with the bargain plants I just bought. And, since I bought the paints for Hannah's room (a pinky-lilac and a spring green, plus glow-in-the-dark for a ceiling design) this weekend begins the massive repaint and redecorate effort that exists mainly in my head.

Anyway:

Poll #1481643
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 24

Breakfast -- more often than not, I like it:

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savory
10 (41.7%)

sweet
3 (12.5%)

a little bit of both
9 (37.5%)

one or the other, but never together
1 (4.2%)

I never eat breakfast
1 (4.2%)

Foooooood
I just had a really good lunch at a new Filipino restaurant about four blocks from here: Merla's Kitchen. I ordered Merla's Platter -- chicken adobo, pancit, rice, and an empanada. It was way too much food but I ate all of it except half of the empanada -- I'm used to a more savory empanada and the cheese + raisins + eggs sort of hit me the wrong way. Still, the dough was delicious and nicely fried; the adobo was YUM and the pancit was YUM and now I need a nap. If you're in the Albany Park area between 10 and 3, it's worth a stop.

I mean it
If you are a conscientious objector to Halloween, you're a jerk.

I am in Evanston for lunch at Al's deli, and I ate my meatloaf sandwich a foot away from MATT SARACEN while he stood in line. He was wearing orange Crocs.

Butt-centrism
Hannah's going through a major butt-and-fart-centric phase. This may or may not be my fault, considering that I chase her up the stairs, threatening to "get her bootie" which basically means pinching it. There's also the fact that I call my family buttfaces a lot, which sometimes morphs via Hannah into "bootyfart", and then becomes farts of various farm and jungle animals, and you get the idea.

The fart thing, lately, has extended to frequent mentions of poop and its variants. So, when AJ tried to get Hannah out of his face the other night, he sent her to ask me "What's up?" Hannah informed him that she was instead going to ask me, "What's poop?" I walked in at that moment, and once I found out what was poop, I ran down my list of ghetto greetings. I said, "What's poppin'?" She replied, "What's poopin'?" I said, "What it do?" She replied, "What it poo?" And for some reason, that just killed me. This is how I know I have the sense of humor of a preschooler. Poo! Farts! Butts! What's not to love?

Mexican Halloween and other holidays
Hannah is Ariel the Little Mermaid today. I don't much care for her costume -- it's store-bought, which doesn't sit with my preference for DIY costumes -- but she's quite happy with it and demonstrated swimming with it by wriggling all over the floor this weekend. Because Ariel is a fair-skinned red-headed mermaid, the pink "flesh-toned" fabric that makes up the majority of the top part doesn't quite match Hannah's mild brownness, but that's less of a problem than the fact that her hooter hiding purple shells keep slipping down to her waist. There's also my Mom idiocy -- I literally went out at midnight last night to Fantasy Headquarters, the costume shop near my house that is open nonstop in the week leading up to Halloween, to buy a red wig for Hannah in time for her school Halloween party today. Why is this idiotic? Because OF COURSE she didn't want to wear it this morning. She tried it on, declared it itchy, and decided that she would be an Awiel wif bwown haiw. I mean, damn, there have to be brunette mermaids, right? So I was stupid for thinking that she gave a shit. Why should she? And you know, the whole thing, as packaged and purchased as it is, is still pretty cute on her. She works it out.

AAAAAnyway. It occurred to me that, because the majority of my family will be at Disney World for Thanksgiving, I will have no one to Black Friday shop with. This makes me unexpectedly sad. I always thought that I went along with it out of grudging indifference, but I guess I enjoy it more than I thought. And without us at Target at 5 in the morning, who will fart in the aisles, leaving moist clouds of digested turkey for unsuspecting shoppers to walk into, if not Tracy?

And AND. My mom is planning her travel, and she's going to be gone a lot over the next few months, including, I believe, Denver over Christmas/New Year's. Maybe it's time to do that New Year's party I'm always contemplating throwing, since I will have no sitter.

FNL
Holy smokes, y'all, it was GOOD. I missed Botany of Desire on PBS, and forgot to DVR it, but Friday Night Lights was just...wow. It made me forget about PBS, and how much I hate fall, and everything but Dillon, Texas and the Taylors. There was one bum note, I thought, but based on my very limited sample of one episode, this may be a return to season one form.

Poll #1477522 Zapatos
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 41

In your house, your shoes are:

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On
3 (7.3%)

Off
22 (53.7%)

It can be either, depending
16 (39.0%)

In your house, your guests' shoes are:

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On - no grody stank feet up in here
2 (4.9%)

Off - no grody stank shoes up in here
4 (9.8%)

It's up to them
35 (85.4%)

Why?

View Answers

Are you a germophobe?

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Yes
2 (5.0%)

No
35 (87.5%)

I don't think I am, but others have called me one
3 (7.5%)

I am judgmental
If I could do away with any word in the world, it would be "classy." I really, really, REALLY hate that word and can only use it in an ironic sense, to indicate when something is tacky/trashy in my estimation. I hate the way it sounds, looks, and when people use it with seriousness, it makes me twitch.